


Unsteady

by KillerQueen66



Series: SuperCat Oneshots [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Pre-Relationship, but nothing too graphic, mental health talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23377216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen66/pseuds/KillerQueen66
Summary: Cat reveals some things about herself that surprises Kara and they have a heart to heart.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Series: SuperCat Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680016
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a lot like my other story "The Sound of Your Voice" but that story sent a ball rolling in my head and now this has been put out in the world. As mentioned in the tags there is talk about self-harm but it's not too graphic, at least not if you ask me. 
> 
> This has been kind of therapeutic for me to read so I hope you like it.

It was one of those nights were things and thoughts just needed to disappear, so Cat had decided to go out, get a drink or two (or more) and let herself fade in with the crowd.

It had worked, for the most part.

Now she was just sitting at the bar, getting lost in the thoughts she was trying to run from.

She flinched slightly, not something anyone would notice unless they were paying a lot of attention, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to find a fairly attractive man standing beside her and raised an eyebrow at him, “yes?”

“I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here all alone and I wanted to keep you company,” the man said, leaning up against the bar so Cat wouldn’t have to twist herself to look at him. Not that she was anyway.

“No thanks,” Cat said acerbically, turning around on her chair to look out over the crowd instead.

Of course, the man didn’t take the hint and walked around to stand in front of Cat, so she had to look at him, “come one. A pretty lady like you shouldn’t have to be alone.” He reached a hand out to rest upon her shoulder but Cat was quick to get up from the chair and away from the hand.

She gave him a condescending stare, “maybe I want to be alone. Maybe I don’t some creepy man-child to come and lay his hands on me in some misguided attempt to make my night better when in reality, it just made it worse. So why don’t you head over to your group of friends and leave me the fuck alone!”

He turned around to leave, muttering a “bitch” under his breath.

Cat snorted quietly at his remark and sat back down on her chair and ordering a new drink. She got a whole five minutes to herself before someone else came up beside her. She rolled her eyes but decided to ignore them and hope they'd leave her alone.

“You really should be more careful, miss Grant.” Cat turned in surprise, not having expected that voice here of all places.

“What are you doing here, Keira?” Cat asked.

“I was worried about you, Miss Grant. You didn’t call,” Kara said quietly, sitting down on the chair beside Cat's.

Cat looked at her in a sort of irritated wonder, “so you flew all the way over here because I didn’t call when I usually do? That’s a little stalkerish, even for you.”

Kara frowned in displeasure but otherwise didn’t show any outward signs of caring. “You haven't seemed like yourself the last couple of times we've talked. I got worried.”

Cat just hummed quietly in reply and downed the last of her drink, signalling for another when she’d put it down again.

Kara reached over to grab the drink before Cat could, but Cat stopped her with a bruising grip on her wrist. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough, miss Grant?” she asked but didn’t try to free herself, even if they both knew she could.

“Don’t you think you should keep your nose out of my business?” Cat retaliated, releasing her grip on Kara's wrist to grab her drink instead.

She signalled for the bartender when she'd finished her drink, making Kara make some chocked up sound in protest that Cat ignored, and asked for the bill. She heard Kara breathe out in relief but ignored that as well. When she'd paid, she got up, grabbed her jacket, and made for the exit, Kara hot on her heels.

She turned on Kara the moment they were outside, but a little too quickly and almost lost her balance, only remaining upright due to Kara's quick reflexes. “I don’t need you to walk me home.”

Kara just shrugged at her, “I don’t really care. Either you let me walk you home or I leave and Supergirl can come fly you home. You choose.”

Cat looked a little shocked at Kara's brazen attitude but didn’t say anything, just wrenched her arm out of Kara's grip and started walking, Kara following her in silence.

Cat was walking quickly, thankful that she had chosen a bar close to home. She was steaming in anger; over Kara's attitude, the annoying man making her night worse and the fact that her night out hadn't worked at all the way she wanted it to and she was still thinking way too much about things she had no interest thinking about. Her steps got angrier and angrier the closer the got to her apartment building and when they arrived in front of it, she didn’t wait for the doorman to open it but instead wrenched it open herself and walked quickly towards the elevator, punching the button like it was what had caused her all her trouble for the night.

When she got in and turned around, Kara was still right there with her and she almost screamed in frustration. Instead, they just stood in silence and waited for the elevator to reach her floor.

“Make yourself at home, I guess,” Cat said, gesturing around her home, her sanctuary that had now been breached, “since I apparently can't get you to leave me alone.”

Kara walked towards Cat but stopped a few feet from her, “I don’t think you should be alone right now, miss Grant.”

Cat just threw her hands up in defeat and walked into her bedroom and then her bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She sat down on the lip of the bathtub and burst into quiet tears, hiding her head in her hands.

Barely a minute passed before Kara was knocking on her door, “Miss Grant? Are you okay?”

Cat got both amused and angry at the question, decided to ignore the amusement, because it where did that even come from anyway, and flew off the edge of the bathtub and flung open the door, tears still streaming down her face.

Kara took a step back in surprise when Cat opened the door, clearly not having expected that.

“Do I look like I'm okay, Kara?” Cat said her name with such discontent it made Kara flinch and wish she'd just used Keira instead. “What makes you think I'd even be near okay when I've spent most of the nights trying to drown my thoughts? So no, Kara, I am not okay.” Cat pushed past Kara, noticing in some small part of her brain that she actually could and walked over to her closet, shedding her clothes as she went and changed into something more appropriate for bed, not caring in the slightest if Kara was watching her.

When she turned around, Kara was standing with her back to Cat staring resolutely at the wall. Was it any other night, Cat might have laughed but now she just ignored her and went back into the bathroom but left the door open. She skipped most her usual routine and instead just brushed her teeth and washed her face.

Kara was standing in the doorway, looking at her with sadness in her eyes when Cat turned to leave the bathroom. She scoffed at the sadness and brushed past Kara again. She looked at Kara when she'd sat down on her bed, the sadness still prominent on her face.

“I don’t need your pity,” Cat spat at Kara. “You can take your pity and shove it up somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.”

Cat remark quickly transformed Kara's sadness into something resembling fury, “I'm not allowed to feel bad when I see someone I consider a friend falling deeper and deeper down a hole that seems pretty hard to get out off again? I'm not allowed to want to do something about it?”

“You think I want to be here?” Cat said, flying off her bed and striding towards Kara in quick precise steps that belied the fact that she'd been drinking for hours. “You think I enjoy this hole I'm in? That I don’t want help getting out of it? Because I hate it! I hate that I have periods of time where I seem incapable of taking care of myself, let alone anyone else. Where do you think Carter is right now, huh? Because he's certainly not here. Do you think I want to send my son away because like I can't take care of him? I'm spiralling, Kara and there’s nothing I can do to stop it,” she whispered the last sentence that Kara almost didn’t catch it and then collapsed in on herself, Kara barely catching her in time. They sank to the floor together, Cat curled in on Kara.

“It’s so bad I can't even get myself to use some of the tools my therapist has given me,” Cat mumbled into Kara shirt after a handful of minutes of silence. In response, Kara hugged Cat a little tighter to herself but didn’t say anything, knowing it wouldn’t help anyway.

Kara's right hand were running up and down in a comforting rhythm but stopped when Cat lifted her head to look at Kara.

Cat's left hand came up to Kara's face as if to check she was really there, running a finger down the side of her face before cradling it in her hand. Kara lifted her hand to gently hold unto Cat's wrist. She jumped slightly in surprise when Cat pulled her hand back roughly with a hiss, cradling it against her body in protection.

“Cat?” Kara asked quietly, but Cat just shook her head, so Kara gently took Cat's hand in her own and pried it away from Cat's body. She looked Cat in the eye to make sure she wasn’t crossing a line, but Cat didn’t object to what she was doing, not that she was encouraging it either. They sat like that for a moment until Cat looked down at their hands, prompting Kara to do the same.

Cat looked away when Kara looked down, not wanting to see how she'd react to her injured wrist.

Kara sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth. The scars on Cat's wrist were not what she was expecting to see, “oh, Cat.”

Cat flinched slightly at the tone and tried to pull her hand free but Kara held on, not willing to let Cat go but instead of looking at her wrist, she pulled Cat back in against her. Cat went willingly and shortly after succumbed to her exhaustion.

* * *

Cat woke up feeling disoriented. She looked around to try and find the reason for her confusion and startled slightly when she saw someone on the bed next to her. It took her a few moments to place who it was and hurried out of the bed when she recognised Kara. She sat at the edge of the bed staring at her hands.

She didn’t know how long she had sat there when a hand on her shoulder made her get up quickly in surprise before she turned around to fin Kara sitting sideways on the bed, holding a hand up in a show of goodwill.

“I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Cat just nodded and sat back down beside Kara. She looked at Kara when she softly touched her arm.

“Will you tell me?” Kara asked quietly, nodding to Cat's wrist, cradled in her right hand.

Cat nodded, “what do you want to know?”

Kara shrugged, “whatever you're comfortable with telling me.”

Cat was already shaking her head before Kara had stopped talking, “you need to be more specific. Because I don’t know where to start.”

Kara nodded, “okay. But you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Only what you're comfortable with me knowing.”

“I know.”

Cat's curt reply almost made Kara smile were it not for the serious situation. “Why did you start?”

Cat sighed and made herself more comfortable on the bed. “Lack of control.”

Kara looked down at her own hands briefly before looking back at Cat. Cat was looking at Kara, just waiting for the next question, not willing to expand on her answer.

“For how long have you done this?” Kara asked quietly.

“Too long,” was Cat's elusive answer.

Kara frowned in confusion at that, “what does that mean?”

Cat finally looked at Kara, the pain in her eyes clear, “it means I have been doing it longer than I'm comfortable talking about. But whatever you're thinking, I've probably done it longer than that.”

Kara sucked in a sharp breath at that.

“It doesn’t mean that I've been doing it every day for years. It just means that over several years I've done this when I don’t know what to feel or what to do.”

“When was the last time you did it?”

If looks could kill, Kara would be dead right now, “that’s not something I will ever want to answer, let's make that very clear.”

Kara had scooted back a bit at Cat's stare and was nodding in acquiescence. “Sorry.”

Kara looked thoughtful for a moment and then like she had had the best idea, “is this why you left?”

“CatCo?” At Kara’s nod, Cat continued, “yes, mostly. I needed some space to figure out who I was; who I am. And I couldn’t do that if I remained in a place that wasn’t helping to get better. Quite the opposite. CatCo is… it’s my life’s work and I do plan on returning. But I needed to find myself before I could commit myself fully to CatCo again. So yes, I left, not because of the scars, but because of what they represent. I needed to put myself first.”

Before Kara could say anything more, Cat had held up a finger to stop her, “if you ever, and I mean ever, ask me to stop, I will throw you out a window and you will never see me again. No matter how you phrase it, it is still one of the worst things you could ever say to me.”

“Can I ask why?” Kara questioned.

Cat looked at Kara intensely for a few moments before nodding, “if I could, I'd stop in a heartbeat. But I can't just stop; this has become a coping mechanism, the worst kind no doubt, but still a coping mechanism. I can't just give that up. What would happen then? I don’t know. No one does. It could be better. It could also be worse.”

“But don’t you want to stop?” Kara asked hesitantly.

Cat gave Kara an unimpressed stare, “of course I want to stop, but it won't happen from one day to the next.”

Kara tilted her head slightly to one side to show she understood. “This might be a wrong question and I'm sorry if it is, but how come I've never seen your scars before?”

Had it been anyone else asking the question, Cat wouldn’t have answered, but she knew that Kara asked out of genuine curiosity and not anything hurtful. “Makeup can be used on other places of your body than your face. Concealer is a fantastic invention.”

Kara smiled slightly at Cat's sass, glad to see it had returned slightly.

“Any more questions?” Cat asked. Kara just shook her head. “Good. Then I think food’s in order. I imagine you're starving right now.”

Kara laughed quietly in reply and nodded.

They almost reached the door when Cat stopped and turned to look at Kara, “I realize that this might be moot, but if you ever tell anyone, and I mean anyone, I will kill you. Super or not.”

“I won't, Cat. I promise. Not a soul.” Kara replied honestly.

“Good.” She then turned towards the door before she changed her mind and turned to look back at Kara again, “thank you for being here for me.”

Kara smiled brightly in reply, “always, Cat. Always.”

Cat just shakes her head, a small smile hiding on the corner of her lips. “Come on, you. Let's get you some food,” Cat walks leisurely towards the kitchen, Kara bouncing along happily, making Cat's almost non-existent smile more pronounced, but she makes quite an effort for Kara not to see. She's fairly sure she fails; not that she minds all that much.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think of it, but be gentle because it's very close to my heart. I really hope you enjoyed it. <3 
> 
> If you feel like I've missed a tag or tagged wrongly, please let me know. :)


End file.
